it's not so simple {but of course it's not so simple. if it was so simple, i'd have figured it all out, and it wouldn't be bothering me, and i wouldn't be bothering you} but i miss the quiet productivity of last year. it was so nice {it's easy now to say such things categorically}. granted, i was just as {un}happy, but at least there was a reason, and at least things were getting done. (well, i'm not really unhappy. it's some weird mix between "i'm only happy when i'm not;" and a general aversion to good things because they always come at some price; and the general "i learn my lessons, so no way in hell {because it was} i'm gonna let that happen to me again" mentality. yes, this is a bit cryptic, and i'm ok with that.)
of course, last year i was making the same complaint (that is, missing the past). (only it was the opposite, because i was so happy, though so unproductive, in vietnam the year before)
maybe i just need someone to make me study.
