sometimes when i'm bored i close my eyes tight and just wait for the shapes to appear from the darkness. usually they start out green or grey, but if i rub my eyes i can get yellows and purples. sometimes i even see crowds of cartoon heads, othertimes it looks like maybe a fractal (the julia set, or so i like to think, mainly because i like that name). sometimes i can't even figure out what i'm "seeing." i feel like something's there, but it never reveals itself. i can never really make out any of the images anyway; they're shadows made from fog, existing only as long as you don't try and figure out what exactly they are.
sometimes when i'm bored i close my eyes tight and just wait for the thoughts to appear from the darkness. that sounds morbid and sometimes it is.
`Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
`Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
`Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you have of putting things!'
`It's a mineral, I think,' said Alice.
don't ask where that came from. i mean, Alice in Wonderland, to be sure, but why I chose to interject it just there, well you ask the impossible. i should sooner berth a whale.
it's a bad week for cars. i should have heeded the warning. on saturday night i dreamt i was in a car crash. and there have been automobile issues on both sunday and monday. if the world is thematic and revolves around me (it is and it does), i should think there should be a series of incidents all week leading up to saturday night, which is when i'll be totaling my motor vehicle. however, the spot may not be mine to claim, so we'll just say that whoever trashes his or her car this coming sabbath is the very center of the universe.
todo
today: ballgame. angels royals. santana meche. me duv peter jarrod.
tomorrow: no plans. it's a wednesday. not a good day for plans.
someday: sit down in my pretty how town and figure out what anyone and everyone and noone mean to me
Friday, June 22, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
heart's anxiety
i hate going to sleep having just showered. my hair is going to be unwieldy in the morning. it can't be helped. i'm bushed. *insert poor pun...no wait, i'll do it myself* like the white house.
i'm running out of excuses not to do things now that school's over. if i'm not tricky and/or deceitful on a regular basis, i'll wind up with less free time this summer than i had during the school year.
congrats on graduating stina. it'll be a real bother when you're gone next year. i won't know who to invite to the movies. congrats to all you other graduates too. mostly doug. actually doug, i'll give you and christina all the congratulations and you can divvy it up for all the worthy graduates. for the entire world. no complaints. santa does roughly the same thing in 6 months.
i heard this quote somewhere "Emphasizing a lifestyle based on consumption is the ultimate violence against a poor country."
perhaps my timing is bad (given the heaviness of the previous line) but when did people start getting so damn serious about things. i wish i could talk in allegory, and give y'all a little riddle to figure out so you could feel accomplished. but i'm lazy, and the message is the same. ($#!%. now i have a message? sounds like i'm getting serious myself...whatever) all this wedding stuff interferes with hockey. if i was to listen (i don't really) i'd probably hear people talking about stability and salary and stipend and suburbia and submortgage and substance abuse. seriously? seriously? what happened to broadening horizons? what happened to big dreams? what happened to remembering all those things that used to inspire us to want to be great or to do great things? what is with people trying to create their own little isolated worlds? (actually, it seems like it would make things simpler, which should (and does) appeal to me.) but isn't that what settling down is? restructuring your lives around the few things which with you're most comfortable. i hope to God i'm not talking about either of you, corey and erik. you deserve and are capable of so much. and certainly it is wonderful that you're getting married. but if your world collapses into the concerns of only 1 household, i will be crushed, regardless of how much i stay in your lives (which will be a lot regardless. it'll be well nigh impossible to get rid of me. like a virus. i need a capsid.)
i'm running out of excuses not to do things now that school's over. if i'm not tricky and/or deceitful on a regular basis, i'll wind up with less free time this summer than i had during the school year.
congrats on graduating stina. it'll be a real bother when you're gone next year. i won't know who to invite to the movies. congrats to all you other graduates too. mostly doug. actually doug, i'll give you and christina all the congratulations and you can divvy it up for all the worthy graduates. for the entire world. no complaints. santa does roughly the same thing in 6 months.
i heard this quote somewhere "Emphasizing a lifestyle based on consumption is the ultimate violence against a poor country."
perhaps my timing is bad (given the heaviness of the previous line) but when did people start getting so damn serious about things. i wish i could talk in allegory, and give y'all a little riddle to figure out so you could feel accomplished. but i'm lazy, and the message is the same. ($#!%. now i have a message? sounds like i'm getting serious myself...whatever) all this wedding stuff interferes with hockey. if i was to listen (i don't really) i'd probably hear people talking about stability and salary and stipend and suburbia and submortgage and substance abuse. seriously? seriously? what happened to broadening horizons? what happened to big dreams? what happened to remembering all those things that used to inspire us to want to be great or to do great things? what is with people trying to create their own little isolated worlds? (actually, it seems like it would make things simpler, which should (and does) appeal to me.) but isn't that what settling down is? restructuring your lives around the few things which with you're most comfortable. i hope to God i'm not talking about either of you, corey and erik. you deserve and are capable of so much. and certainly it is wonderful that you're getting married. but if your world collapses into the concerns of only 1 household, i will be crushed, regardless of how much i stay in your lives (which will be a lot regardless. it'll be well nigh impossible to get rid of me. like a virus. i need a capsid.)
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