initially joss whedon

i make no apology for the fact that i invest much more in R&D than i do marketing. my administration budget is on the leaner side of sufficient, but i do so hate paperwork. and i like to think i manage myself efficiently, on the whole, despite being readily diverted by the likes of Dr. Horrible (PhD in Horribleness) and Josh Hamilton (BA in the .300s).

(And just as a side note, Cliff Lee, are you kidding me?)

ok, it's true that i haven't written in a while, and i might be rusty, but given my recent difficulties along other lines of communication, i am resorting to this sort of broadcasting. what i'm getting at is that despite all of the interaction i have with people in the hospital, there's a level of connection that isn't being satisfied, and therefore i'm using this medium to exorcise my demons. not that i really care if anyone reads this. that's not the point. the point is that i'm making it external to myself, so that i needn't carry it around myself. i wouldn't wish it on anyone else (in case you're wondering, because i sure am, i don't know what exactly 'it' refers to in the last couple sentences. i think the whole thing is a lesson in the value of pronouns when a true noun isn't readily available).

but now that i have you here, there's nothing really to say. i'm tired. yeah, that's about it. and now i'm going to expound on it, for my own sake, just so i know what i'm talking about, and there's no real reason for you to read any further. especially since if you were to ask me in person, the conversation would end with the period that succeeds "tired." but, since i have nothing else to do, and since the following isn't too personal to withhold, i will break down my tired's bajillion fourteen different meanings (i'm saving the parabola for when i really need it).
i'm tired of waking up at 5 to do a job that someone else is going to do anyway because they don't trust me.
i'm tired of studying every day.
i'm tired of my back pain.
i'm tired of not having anything to look forward to.
i'm tired of not knowing spanish and not having the time to learn it.
i'm tired of being asked inane (and at their worst, rhetorical) questions that don't merit a response.
i'm tired of my room being so hot that i can't fall asleep.
i'm tired of living alone in my head.
i'm tired of pretending i'm dead, especially since i've done an awful job at replacing brandon moor.
i'm tired of my worsening vision.
i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself.
i'm tired of being too tired to fix any of this.
i'm tired of being so careful.
i'm tired of having to do everything myself (well, i wouldn't trust it any other way, which may or may not be beside the point. but still i'm tired of it).

well that's pretty extensive. and of variable veracity / the parasol got out of hand (like might happen tatooine). {i have to stretch to follow that last bit there}

anyway, i'm done kvetching. really, all i want is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a moment to pray for Randy Pausch's family, and to fall asleep listening to FF8 piano music.