kthxbai

Life's a bitch and then you die {i should be so lucky}.

i must be feeling sorry for myself. i finished watching pride and prejudice, and now i'm watching moulin rouge. and the football game is on. the amount of self-loathing i will have for myself in the morning (or sooner) is absolutely indescribable. how am i not an alcoholic?

this is my own fault. that bit of information has not been lost on me, much though i'd like to conveniently forget about it. it's what i get for reading twilight, and watching full moon wo sagashite, and listening to l'arc~en~ciel's flower.

at the same time, give me a goddam break. it's not that i mind having things go the way they always do (ok, that's a lie, but i can live with it), but i hate feeling so inescapably alone. i just want a friend around that i can actually talk to (meaning, they actually have a chance of understanding me, and not just understanding the words i use), that i can trust, that will put some effort in him/herself so that it's not all up to me. am i asking for too much? probably. but like i said, i'm not asking for things to be fair, i'm asking for a break.

up to date

i was told today that i shouldn't be a surgeon. i wont get all into it, but essentially i'd be selling myself short, and thereby dishonoring myself and God. i guess there goes my dream of being an African missionary, unless i marry a surgeon (yet another criterion in an already impossibly rigorous marriage checklist. prospects remain poor, to put it mildly)

i'm doing alright on the new years resolutions. well, the renewed resolutions. by this point, none of them are new, just rehashed versions of things i've been telling myself i need to do more or less of for the past fifteen years.
things i'm doing well on: wasting less time, practicing music, studying, exercising, not playing video games
things i'm doing poorly on: being good company, being honest, being nicer