Today in the World of Woochcraft

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Studies show that study time is most effectively interrupted by phone calls, as a series of yappers puts an end to John's medical education (for the day). This happened around 10 a.m. (which, (co?)incidentally, is when football begins on Sunday mornings).

Hordes of Orcs fall to John's sharp blades and button mashing skillz. 1337 pwnage. t("t) noobs.

Prayers against Saints appear to work as John witnesses Steelers' victory on the Nielsen's new HDTV. (Or rather, I think it was a less than new TV but that it finally had the HD part of it working/connected.)

Foreign policy fails to negotiate a meeting with other local superpowers. However, verbal exchange remained positive, and it seems likely that the man-states will maintain a friendly relationship. (But not Borat-Azamat friendly. The damage done by that sequence (which was, of course, only for shock value, but still, yuck) was irreparably extensive. I have words to say about our Mr. Sacha Cohen, but this is program here is exclusively news-truth, not the unscientific, opinionated bigotry that you find in editorials)

Dessert platter at Jobe family's dinner for Uncle Chris's associates looks spectacular thanks to Christina and John's creativity and grape-arranging techniques. Actually the whole dinner turned out very well, but that was mostly Auntie Beez's fault. Fault may not seem like the right word, but it works in a way because my car is going to smell delicious because some of the food (that had been cooking in the oven in my house) spilled a bit during transport.

Sounds of a trumpet playing excerpts from famous John Williams themes could be heard throughout eastern Summit Ave. The source remains unknown. (I took my practicing back inside once I got most of the dogs barking.)

Crime and Punishment remains atop the book charts (though progress could be determined by a picometer)

Forecast: slightly moody with a chance of tirades in the early evening hours (which is when I expect the return of my parents and brother from the football tournament), but cooling down to subdued once the familial interrogation reaches its conclusion.

Thank you for tuning into this news bulletin. We now return you to your (ir)regularly scheduled lives.