the joys of being sick:
there are none
unless you are a masochist. but that's just weird.
there are, however, potential joys in pretending to be sick. in the hopes that I will feign illness in the future, here are some symptoms that I should probably claim, because they are real.
it didn't start so bad. i just wasn't feeling so hot friday morning. i sat through lectures (though i have no idea what was said, and had to leave in the middle of pdx to go vomit. i was glad i had gum in my backpack). i went to lab (in the physical sense). went to vespers. played settlers far too late into the night.
and the rest of the weekend kinda blurs. the presence or absense of the sun had little effect on my sleep pattern, which was mostly determined by the diarrhea.
***spoiler alert***
for those of you who haven't had the dehydrating, kills-orphans-in-africa diarrhea (ORT really is lifesaving. and, fun fact, it has to do with our sodium-glucose cotransporters), it's no fun. you might have been able to guess that, but really, it's way worse than the slightly mushy stool that most people call diarrhea (just because they have to wipe more than twice).
today started a bit better. gas was gas, and not wet poo. the poo hadn't firmed up, but at least it impeded less on my non-schedule. i regained my appetite (i had gone some time, thursday night to saturday night, without eating much more than some popcorn and a bit of soup. oh and less than a half grapefruit, but i lost, best i can tell, all of that in pdx). i can almost stand to concentrate. i've gotten through half a lecture. which pretty much means that i'll be right as rain by the time 24 is on. well, maybe not rain. rain's pretty right. but railroad. i'll be right as railroad. the CRI+P. with a superchief.
on the plus side. wait, not my plus side. but it could be someone's plus side. anyway, it's a fast way to lose 5 pounds. it's also a fast way to get to feeling like your entire musculature vanished.
wow, it sounds pretty bad when i put those two statements right next to each other, for now 5 pounds = john's total muscle mass. i should have talked about other ways to quickly lose 5 pounds before jumping into the whole how-weak-i-feel aspect of the sickness. oh well, live and learn. but i am curious to see what i come up with for those "other ways" ideas.
how to quickly lose 5 pounds:
shark bite
hair cut
bowel resection
leeching
duct tape mouth
chemotherapy
enema
nature hike
sulfuric acid (you've seen those diagrams. it burns right through your hand!)
guillotine
snack in London (shopkeep may ask you for 5 quid, but it's the same thing)
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