double standard deviation

i have never understood people who expect more of others than they do of themselves. in a certain sense of the word. i mean, i expect kobe bryant to be better at basketball than me. i expect george bush to receive more criticism than me. i expect the garbageman to visit more houses than me. i expect girls to sing higher than me. i expect taco bell to make lunch faster than me. i expect supermarket tabloids to know more about skankiness than me. i expect the cincinatti bengals to employ more lawyers than me. i expect blood banks to hold more blood than me.

but i dont really expect policeman to be better judges of the law than me. i dont expect my pastor to be more moral than me. i dont expect my teachers to use better logic than me. i dont expect my friends to understand me better than me.

maybe this still seems reasonable. but there's more.

i expect the best of myself, and i often expect less than the best of others. practically, this works pretty well. theoretically, it seems demeaning and self-righteous.

when i mess up, i expect myself to rectify things. sometimes i find excuses if there's nothing better to do, but i rarely believe them myself. i also tend to hold myself above the reproach of others, deciding instead that i'm sufficiently demanding of myself.

with others, i can make anything not their fault. i can rationalize most everything. in taking away their responsibility, i also take from them part of their authority to choose. maybe not physically, but at least in my mind. i must (begrudgingly) conclude that this says something about the respect i have for that person.

it's not in my nature to expect or accept from myself anything less than my best (maybe this is my belief in God, or maybe I am making excuses my behavior in the form of inherent credos). im wishing right now i could be more fair with others. there's much unfairness in things as it is. i'd rather not contribute.

Crucio! (Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy? You need to mean them, Potter)

he cruellest thing rowling could do would be to kill off both ron and hermione.

English translation

Long ago there shone everywhere the eternity you dreamed of.
Is your sky still deep and blue?
Sometimes I want to deny the histories I saw or caused.
Who decides what is forgotten?

I made promises far too often back then.
Did you hope I would keep them?
A girl I used to know was married last weekend.
Where do you find happiness?

And when stars twinkle or the wind makes you laugh, is it still me you think of?
Or do you search your heart for me at dusk on a rainy day?
When your mind wanders does it go to our meeting place?
Do you reach for my hand when the beauty of the world catches you and fills you with gladness?

In discreet moments I find myself wondering.

Do you know what you want yet?
I'm still waiting, maybe for you.