gone phishing

The purpose of this blog is to shamelessly try and get as many comments and/or kudos as possible in an overly narcissistic effort to convince myself that people do read this and have some sort of reaction. To accomplish such a task, I feel it is probably necessary to bring out my big guns, aka my fearsome powers of insight.

Insight number one: people get riled up if you talk about things they strongly agree or disagree with. Disagreement is especially powerful because they usually want to add in their two cents (if I got 50 million people to add their two cents I could be rich!) and tell me why they're right and why I'm wrong.

It is commonly known, and rightly believed, that all people get to love two things, and I think those two things should be nuclear energy and Indian casinos that don't pay taxes.

Insight number two: people, especially girls, relish the opportunities to console handome young men whom the much admire if or when the young man should befall some illness of misfortune.

I've been sick all week. Fever, sore throat, headache. It's pretty miserable, especially since I still have to cook and clean around here, and take care of my boss's place while he and Paul are gone. My other friends are gone two; Marford's job has taken him to Malaysia, Espy will be forever stuck in Thailand, and Dinh is visiting his fiancee, who lives near Saigon.

Insight number three: people love being made fun of. Just look at how many people were laughing at Stephen Colbert when he roasted Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner (there are 3 parts to this).

My favorite part about myspace is how all these nice people get all gussied up for the occasion. They take their most flattering photos, couple them with some new hot music that they think everyone should find fresh and awesomely, drop a bunch of "hey gorgeous" to the girls and "DUDE YOUR [sic] AWESOME!" to the guys and then go on to say how much fun they had with that person the other day (because comments like that let the whole myspace world how fun you are and private messages don't), fudge a few quizzes or surveys, blog with their (or just as often, someone else's) best prose or poetry, describe their heroes or people they want to meet as "people who are real and everyday live life to the fullest" (and would someone tell me if that actually means something, or has it become one of those ceremonial figurehead phrases like "gay rights" and "orphans" and "save the rainforest" and "Jesus died for me" and "I pledge allegiance to the flag" and "I do" that we all agree to (like governments agree to tobacco control) but then really don't take all that seriously. or maybe it's one big package. like to be real and live life to the fullest, you have to care about gays and orphans and Jesus and so you get baptized and sign those Amnesty International or those World Wildlife Fund petitions and buy hats and pins from them so they can tell you how many cheetahs your dollar can save, or could save if half of it didn't go into advertising. Speaking of full of it, those bloggers who go on hypocrisy rants sure have some nerve).

Insight number four: that last paragraph was way too long. I'd revise it, but it's awfully big and intimidating. Let's hope everyone's attention span is as short as mine. Plus everyone loves to be able to skim an article and have the last couple sentences wrap everything up. That's bound to win me some thank yous. In fact, I should write some thank yous myself to all the writers who bother to sum up long discourses in a few concise sentences. They truly understand the something of my ways. Wisdom? Must be wisdom. (Hey, that's not original.)

And that's why you never trust the media. Liberal sycophants. Yup, that's what we've learned today.